Pork Curry...

Just finish cooking pork curry...


回味還是回憶....

第二天...

只是第二天...

為什糜像是第二年...

whole day...

today... i stayed home for the entire day...

feeling so sick that i actually stayed home...

been sleeping and waking up... sleeping and waking up....

think i need alot of rest....

although i'm feeling down... but... ya... got to be strong for others rite???

病了... 真的病了...

我只是在等我的藥發作...

看不慣的東西... 讓我更反感...

我不行了...

我真的病了...

我真的倒了...

Do wat u Preach...

i will only be convinced by people who do wat they preach...

apparently... some ppl just do not understand the meaning of this phrase... so CONTRADICTING...

but what to do.... they are humans in the first place... humans that make mistakes and hurt ppl around them.... ha!

anyway... i've decided... i am going to carry on with what i am suppose to do... not going to leave... but going to build...

my efforts shall not go to waste... and the vision shall come to pass...

once again... i am not asking for approval... not even understanding... i am just asking for silence... silence in front and at the back...

grieve

1.	to feel grief or great sorrow

2.	to distress mentally; cause to feel grief or sorrow

3.	to oppress or wrong.

Batam Mission Trip - 21 Jun to 22 Jun

ready to set off for Batam...

on the way to hotel...

first stop... KFC!!!

after youth conference...

Team 27...

just waiting for time to pass by...

waiting for the van to go church...

just love to 自拍...

preparing for the next service...

i think this pic is beautiful...

end of mission trip batam..

'shuai' ge finishing off root beer float... yummy...

"debrief" after lunchie....

getting ready for shopping... hee...

let's go shopping...

jiale and myself... after A&W...

indeed... we spoilt the game machine in the arcade...

last trip to KFC before heading back home...

God says the first will be the last and the last will be the first... yeah... we were the last... but we got the VIP seats...

自作自彈自唱

tat's why i love the sea.... beautiful...

finding myself

seriously... there's so many things that i wanna say....

but i guess.. ultimately... i just want to find back myself...

dunnoe how many ppl are reading my blog...

come to think about it... does it really matter to me?? does it bother me?? maybe... somehow... but why should i...

i just wanna find back myself... do the things i enjoy... just like seeing the stars...

for stars will keep burning... at least during my lifetime...

who am i...

remember before i went for mission... i said that Pastor Kong said something that really impacted me...

"I am who I am, true to myself, have the root, if not i'll fall away when tribulations come. You can't please everyone, stay faithful to God. Trust! Matthew 13:21"

how simple were the words... how tough to remember that... especially during tough times when u feel insecure about urself...

Lost Everything...

sitting alone at the viewing gallery... seeing all the planes...

how i wish i am on one of them...

i lost almost everything i treasured in life...

practically everything...

i'm left finding back myself...

i'm now all alone but at least God never forsake me...

i really did my best... i did to my best that i can only dare to cry to God and crying alone....

Surfacing...

i tot i have let my past go...

i tot my past had been buried and gone forever...

i'm not trying to avoid my past... i just wanted all of them to leave me and i wanted to start anew...

i noe my past before i came back to Christ was very ugly... tat's why i wanted to let everything go and just let things end off...

but who noes... things started to surface up again... but not due to me... but due to someone else... and guess wat... because of my past... i caused someone to be in trouble...

i'm not asking for any approval of my past... neither am i asking for any understanding... i am only asking ppl to stop in finding out more... coz only ppl that i TRUST and CHOOSE has the rights to noe...

since.. it's already surfacing... i shall face all 'arrows' especially... weird glances....

actually... wat's new....

First Mission Trip

Wanted to share wat Pastor Kong said yesterday.... but no time now... wait till i'm back from mission trip then....

may this first mission trip brings something different in my life....

我好想...

我好想做很多東西...

我好想去看星星...

我好想dave 的國家...

我好想吃火鍋...

我好想做料粴...

我好想...

praying

for 2 mornings... we started praying at 7.20am.... at jurong west.... thank God.. overnite prayer meeting is cancelled...

at least it means friday nite i can relax and enjoy the nite before mission trip... but come to think about it.. my assignments are not done and my sermons... and i haven't get certain things for my mission trip....

hmmm....

now... better carry on reading my assignment 3 book... thank God.. i bunking over at uncle william's place... yeah... can wake up at 6am instead of 5am.. hee...

my new friend

got to noe and hang out with this new friend of mine today...

hmmm... quite fun though... toking crap and was quite open to share out views on certain things... or... was it only me that was open... hmmm... was i??? haha!!!

well.. we were suppose to know each for our whole life now... but how ironic... i only got to know him yesterday after 24 years... ha

and how awkward with the way i got to know him...

anyway now waiting for the one month later confirm date... ha!

My 姨丈

all the while i know tat my 姨丈 is a tailor and one of the distinguished client is Mr Goh Chok Tong...

But only today... i realised that the following guy was one of his client... OMG!!

Yes!!! the first James Bond - Roger Moore

well.... wanna see more... visit the following link... www.albert-tailor.com

tired...

it's 6.31am...

just came back home from a milo session with benny...

great brother... thanks...

i am very tired... i wanna take a rest...

go to different places to see stars...

finding back wat i really like... and finding back myself...

and i hope i can still find...

Last Entry

i always do things with a reason... and i guess... even when i blog this entry and to close off this blog... there's always a reason...

apparently... my blog had caused many many problems... and it seems like... it's getting too popular with ppl who read and perceive with their own mindset... and misread the entire meaning...

i guess... it's also time that i shouldn't be bothered by anybody not related to and in my life...

i really dun wish to be involve in other ppl matters... i dun wish to protect neither do i have to protect anyone except myself....

i just want to be left alone... not alone alone...

but alone with ppl that i should be concerned of... i should be alone with my family... my close friends from secondary school (J... u are finally coming back...)... Gi who is my poly close bitchy friend who is also coming back from down under... my church... my cg... my SOT classmates... and some others from church.... like benny... yuanyuan... charlene... neo... yuhong... edwin... sharlene... ivan... ian.. jaslyn...

last entry... those who manage to read this last entry.. may not be able to read the next one... coz... i dun intend to let alot of ppl know my new address....

kallang river

just reach home...

didn't expect kallang river to be so pretty at nite... so pretty...

maybe... alot of things are not expected bahz...

life changing moments

life is full of changes...

change is the only constant in the world...

i was wondering... will i be able to adapt to the new environment...

as the new environment comes... i do have a bit of fear... i dunnoe if i can adapt and really take care of myself...

sound so scary... but i guess a change will be good or maybe it will be bad...

suddenly i can imagine.... everyday indian food... or... seeing gers dressed in Vietnamese traditional clothes with straw hats... or maybe... paying in the currency of RM... or speaking chinese every single minute... haha

can't wait till SOT end...

till then.... i will say goodbye to my family... my friends... church....

till then...

pending

only waiting for the time to come... if nothing goes wrong... it should be after SOT...

cool...

break...

i feel tired... tired about everything... work.. and so on...

so xianz...

i need a break....

can i afford one???

dust

i am just a speck of dust...

details...

sometimes... details... is just too scary...

i know...

all these while.. i know...

maybe i just want to keep things simple...

let's just visualize this part...

a knife stuck in the heart is painful... pulling it out slowly hurts even more than when it's in the heart... when the knife is out... it takes lots of time for the heart to heal... and sometimes... salt will be poured on to it.... or the wound maybe forced open again.. but i still believe... the wound will be healed...

life is so tough...

如果沒有我的存在...一切會更美好...對嗎???

my family...

i used to have a happy family.. enjoy cooking for them... playing mj and going on a tour with them...

now... as much as i can... i will stay out of their way... stay out of the happy family tat doesn't involve me anymore...

nobody knows wat exactly and hows things are like tat... maybe somebody... but definitely... not everybody...

whatever decision i make... whatever things i do... i am only asking for understanding and not approval...

life is already so tough... but the closest ppl in my life is only making things worse...

i guess... it's time to stay seclude myself from many many many people... i dun feel like doing many many many things... but no matter what.. life got to go on and the world is still spinning...

i just want things to get better... but it's so tough... felt that i lost so many things... so many...

Astonishing Truth!!!

I always tot that my relatives are the most supportive and understanding group of people...

But I guess... it's so wrong...

I didn't expect things to end up this way... I have enough of troubles in my mind... When I thought they are the ones who are able to help me get over it... they were the ones who made things worse... Can u imagine they asking me to quit SOT????

好人坏人都是他們！！！

卑鄙無恥下流！！！淺！！！有錢就能把人壓死嗎？？？？

我可是耶和華的門徒！！！

就算你不支持我！！！我的主耶穌也會守護著我的！！！

雖然你是如此的無情，我還是不會恨你們的。

必竟你們還是我的姑姑和姑丈。

這就是我在神學院裡的成長，你們是永遠不能令悟到聖靈的存在的。

現在的我，只能含著眼淚，莫莫的為你們祈禱．

啊門！！！

4.40am

it's 4.40am...

unexpectedly... i couldn't sleep again... it's not the first time... maybe in the past i couldn't go through the nite... but i guess... i can't remember... or did i try to sub-consciously forgot everything...

can't do my assignment.. having a blocked mind...

oh man! feel like taking urgent leave from work later... so irresponsible of me... or rather... who is responsible of anything in the first place...

so near yet so far

You can be so near beside me or behind me or in front of me...

But yet You seem so far...

Although You are there... But I can't sense your presence anymore...

Does it sound like describing a person... maybe it can... But seriously... the You = God...

How to sense His presence again... or if you prefer to take it as a person???

The only way... build the relationship with Him again... how to build the relationship again... spend quality time and not quantity...

Those who feels that I was referring to a person... you are smart too... coz.. if it is applicable in the supernatural realm... it applies in the natural realm..

the word

today SOT... everyone experienced a magnificent strong presence of God... but it was this ministry time that i fear...

i kept crying and crying... the words were so clear... so clear that it was He standing beside me...

God spoke the word i have been asking... i acknowledged but i'm afraid...

I want to obey... but i have fear...

Now... got to pray specifically...

over the weekend...

sitting in JW audi now... waiting for SOT class to start...

over the weekend didn't manage to go for service... was too sick to even bother to go out of my room...

but at least i was very glad to hear from a friend who is not from my cell and not from zone... is willing to sponsor my SOT fees when he found out that i was facing many many difficulties for the past 2 months...

i didn't accept... but this thought and action of his at least comforted me.. letting me know who are around when i need help...

suddenly remembered a story that Pastor Meng was talking about... and the moral of that story... though i myself thought of another moral that is from that story... shall share it later when i am slightly more awake...

oh ya... yes i changed back my blog address... i guess i was too tired to actually notice that i accidentally changed my blog address... oh man!!!